Bleak Midwinter

A friend of mine is suffering from depression. Not only is depression difficult, but it is especially difficult during the holiday season. The days are growing shorter and darker, everyone is either complaining about the shopping/baking/Christmas cards or relentlessly upbeat...

So today, I am suggesting random acts of kindness towards friends. Not gifts, not a toy to Toys for Tots (although this is a worthy cause: click here to find places to bring the toys). Instead, take a moment to send a non-Christmas card or note to a friend who might need a quiet word of love. It doesn't have to say much. Just let them know that you are thinking of them. So many people in my life have had loved ones die (and they never "get over it"--every year is a struggle), or been divorced, or "just" suffer from clinical depression.

For inspiration, you might check out Very Truly Julie, a lovely blog by a great wordsmith. You might also consult "9 Holiday Depression Busters" on Beliefnet and see how you can be proactive. For example, you might offer to have your friend's children over on a random Saturday morning or schoolday afternoon so that friend can have a few moments of peace. Or you could show up with a healthy meal that boosts their energy levels--that means a salad, not a casserole! (Although you COULD show up at my house with a casserole!) You might even offer to address envelopes, or stand in line at the post office ("I am going there anyway," you could say--which is probably true!).

To Do: Make a burden light(er).

For the birds

I sing the praises of bird watching. For our family, at least, this is an activity that all generations can share (unlike the DS or Pokemon or Diary of a Wimpy Kid, for example). Growing up, I remember watching the birds in the snowy bushes outside my grandparents' kitchen window. Today, our children talk birds with their grandparents, who have feeders outside their kitchen windows, too. It's a language that we all understand.

We buy our feeder stuff anywhere and everywhere, but the two places we have been the most often are Blackhawk Hardware in the Park Road Shopping Center and the Wild Bird Center of Charlotte in the Arboretum Shopping Center. Both have a good selection of all kinds of feeders.

When my children were in preschool, we participated in many activities at Wing Haven in Myers Park. Wing Haven was created as a private garden in 1927, and the Wing Haven Foundation was created in 1970 to care for the gardens. During the year, Wing Haven offers gardening symposiums, plant sales, and programs for children and families. For example, coming up on Wednesday, December 16, Wing Haven is hosting a holiday celebration. Families can help decorate a tree at Wing Haven with edible ornaments for the birds, and make an edible ornament to take home to their yard, too. Click here for the details (including the RSVP number).

I've blogged about the Carolina Raptor Center before, so I won't take up more space here. Check it out! Cool birds, pretty location. Great family outing.

Coming up on December 26 is the Christmas Bird Count with the Mecklenburg Audubon Society (part of the nationwide Christmas Bird Count which takes place from December 14-January 5). We have never done this, and we won't be doing it this year, but if you are interested in a half-day or all-day trip out in the great outdoors counting birds, click here to learn about the Christmas Bird Count from the National Audubon Society, and click here for details on the event here. The Mecklenburg Audubon Society web page also has lots of information on local birding spots.

For younger children, a more practical bird count is the Great Backyard Bird Count, which will take place in 2010 on February 12-15. Here's a link to learn more about the GBBC for kids. The GBBC is sponsored by the Audubon Society and the Cornell Lab of Ornithology, whose website has all kinds of cool bird stuff. When our children were very early risers, this was a great activity for sleepy parents and the kids--I could lounge on the couch drinking my coffee while they eagerly peered out the window to see which birds were coming to our feeders.

While putting this blog post together, I ran across the information for Project FeederWatch, which I had completely forgotten about. Project FeederWatch is a winterlong survey of--yes--birds at feeders. You pay $15 to participate, and receive a research kit, a subscription to BirdScope, the Cornell Lab of Ornithology newsletter, and an ID number for you to use when you submit your data. I hopped right on the website to sign up for a gift membership for our eager 9-year-old birder. It might be a fun gift for a grandparent to receive from a participating grandchild, also.

UNCC biologist Rob Bierregaard is a local treasure for his commitment to birds. Click here to read (or hear) a piece from WFAE on Rob's work banding barred owls in suburban Charlotte neighborhoods--there are more than you might think (owls, not suburbs). You can follow Rob on Twitter; his "handle" (is that what they are called?) is ospreytrax. His website is here.

A great series of books for eager young birders is the Birdsong series, which features recordings of birdsongs from the Cornell Lab of Ornithology to accompany the pictures and descriptions.

To Do: Buy an inexpensive feeder and put it up outside your window to beckon the birds.

How do you direct your holiday charitable giving?

This year, I decided to give to a charity instead of giving a gift to neighbors. In the past, we gave maple syrup. The skyrocketing price of maple syrup ended that, and recently we have given jam from a little roadside stand in Maine. However, I myself get tired of having partially used jars of jam in my refrigerator, so I was looking to do something a bit different.

Here's my theoretical question for you: do you give to a charity that you already support, or do you give to a charity that supports the theme of "neighbor"? We are longterm supporters of Thompson Child and Family Focus, which helps children "at risk for social and academic failure" through a variety of services, including everything from Child Development Centers to psychiatric residential treatment. We are also devoted members of the Carolina Raptor Center, which rehabilitates injured and orphaned raptors (owls, hawks, etc.) as well as providing education and research programs. I am a big fan of Friendship Trays, which is the local Meals-on-Wheels program. Many of my elderly relatives have benefited from similar programs in their communities, and I have delivered my fair share of meals here in town. And then there are worthy health-related organizations like Charlotte Community Health Clinic and Community Health Services. And finally, we have had several friends and family pass away this year, so I considered organizations like Hospice and CaringBridge, so helpful during times of critical illnesses.

I even (briefly) toyed with the idea of giving a gift card like TisBest or Kiva so neighbors could choose the charity (but then decided that was tacky--fine for a gift to a child, but not for my neighbors).

However, I struggled with each of those for different reasons. I didn't want the gift to be one that somehow added to my own generosity towards a personal passion; I couldn't really see how a gift to the raptor center was a gift for my neighbor. And I didn't want to get into any political or religious issues around the gift; I worried that a gift to the health clinic might ruffle a few feathers. I ended up going with a gift to the Urban Ministry Center, which ministers to poor and homeless people in Charlotte. I felt that this was a non-controversial program that speaks to the "who is my neighbor" question. (I also, I must confess, picked it because I had made a measly donation at the recent luncheon for the Urban Ministry Center and later learned that the cost of my meal was more than my gift. Plus the Urban Ministry had a really attractive card for me to give to my neighbors.)

I plan to give a gift in honor of my friends to another organization--probably one of the above. Or maybe A Child's Place, which provides services to homeless children in the Charlotte-Mecklenburg Schools. Or to Second Harvest Foodbank, which has made eliminating child hunger its most important goal. Most of my friends have children and would find a gift to either organization meaningful.

Gees, there are a lot of worthy places, aren't there? Are you making any donations this holiday season? Where?

To Do: Consider your own charitable giving. Why do you make that gift?